Sorry this is really long, you might just want to skip to the end... And you can't read the Emails apparently, oh well they weren't that important anyway... I just found out! If you highlight the black parts the words will magically appear! So do that if you still want to read the Emails.
Yes, it's true. Now before you start freaking out please read and understand. I will try to give the best explanation I can, and if you still have questions feel free to ask. So where to start? I guess I will start at the beginning.
So when dad came in and said "how would you like to go on exchange?" at the beginning of my junior year I thought it was a great idea. We had hosted exchange students when I was young, and I remember loving them. And all the exchange students we got in our school were really cool, so I thought this would be an awesome thing to do. I would get all kinds of experience, learn to speak another language, and it would look good on a collage application. So without really thinking about what it meant to be an exchange student I started the applying process.
I had planned to go out after I was finished with high school, however, when I realized that wasn’t allowed in this district (why not?! So unfair!) I decided that the experiences I would gain would be worth my senior year. So I got through the exchange and made it into Denmark. Now I should mention that the whole time people were saying they were worried about me being able to be a good exchange student because of my shyness. Being a teenager, I, of course, didn’t listen to them. I wish I had. Now I’ve proven myself wrong and them right about my own character. How embarrassing…
But anyway I was now in Denmark! The first few weeks were really great, I had good weather and a host brother to keep me entertained. But after my host brother went off to college and it started raining all the time, I started getting bored. So I did what most teenagers would do in need of entertainment. I turned to the internet. Shame! But I also enrolled in many extracurricular activities, including French horn lesions, orchestra, choir, and Danish class. I also had two online classes that I was taking, so I kept myself pretty busy.
But as anyone I know knows, I am not social. I mean I’m not anti social; I’m just not the type that is always doing stuff and going to parties. Also, as a Mormon, Danish parties are very awkward for me. So my host parents were concerned about me. In fact while I was having tea and stuff with both of my host parents, the subject came up. It was my first breakdown. So we all decided that I would try my best to be more social and outgoing.
So that is what I did. I tried really hard, I really did. I spent more time with my host family. I went out to everything I was invited to, I even went so far as to ask classmates to hang out with me sometimes (and yes that is far for me). But for some reason Danes always seem to be very busy. They always have homework, or a birthday party (Danes have a lot of birthday parties because they don’t stop celebrating their birthdays when they get older), or something. I also asked the other exchange students on the island, but since we live all over the island it is hard to get together.
But despite all this, I thought things were going well. Until John came over and had a talk with me that went something along the lines of “if you aren’t able to be more involved soon, and make some big changes quickly, then we will have to see if we can find something that is better for you, maybe you need to be with your family and work these problems out (meaning I would probably get sent home)” (this is not a direct quote, this happened more than 2 stressful weeks ago, and I so please do not quote or reference this).
So this was tough, I thought I’d been doing well, but it wasn’t enough. In fact I still had ‘big changes’ to go. After John left I had a very nice talk with my host parents. We talked about what it meant to be an exchange student, what kinds of people were good on exchange, and what kind of a person I was. That’s when I first started thinking that maybe exchange wasn’t the right thing for me.
Over the next two days and nights (seriously, I didn’t get any sleep at all) I thought really hard about this stuff. I realized that while I wasn’t having a bad time here, I wasn’t really enjoying myself. While all the other exchange students couldn’t stop talking about what a great time they were having I kept thinking about what a great time I could be having at home. I mean, senior year is a onetime deal.
So then I weighed my options. I could stay here and be constantly pushing myself to be outgoing; always fearing that it wasn’t enough, always being watched by someone. And probably get sent home anyway. Or, I could go home, where I knew people loved and accepted me and didn’t need me to be anymore than who I was.
There is of course another side to this. If I stayed I would be able to go on Euro tour, show my parents around Bornholm, and have the honor that comes with being an exchange student. While if I went home people would think me a failure.
It was a VERY hard choice. But when I thought about going home, I always felt so great, I would get all happy and it would just feel right. So I told my host parents that I thought the best thing for me to do would be to go home. They were very supportive, and thought I had made a hard and mature decision. After that talk I felt great.
Then I had to tell my parents. Mom and dad didn’t know what was going on back here, so I don’t blame them for not wanting me to give up and come home. Because that’s how they saw it at first, they thought I was going through a phase. So they also made some very good arguments, they made me doubt my decision. Then they said they would talk to John, who I realized hadn’t been informed of any of this. So I quickly shot him this Email.
Hej John,
I have seriously considered what you said, and talked with my host parents and I think that it would be best if I went home. I do not think I will be able to be the outgoing exchange student you want me to be. I have truly tried to make friends that I can hang out with for the past 3 and a half months but as you know, it has not worked, and I truly think that trying it for another month after month is not going to make it any better. That is just not the kind of person I am, I am not the exchange student type. I am terrible sorry that it took me coming to exchange for 3 and a half months to figure that out. I am also sorry that my mistake has caused you and my host parents so much worry. But I think that I have still learned much about Danish culture and Denmark being here. I do not consider this a failure, I have just come to realize that this is not the best thing for me to be doing, and it would be better for me to go back home. Thank you so very much for everything that you have done, and I am very sorry that things are not working out.
Sincerely, Bethany Crandall
So the next day John came over. He said that he agreed with me and thought I was making the right decision, and start getting the arrangements ready. And that I should Email my contact back home. So this is the Email I sent her if you wish to read it but it’s pretty much the same thing.
Hi Susan,
I am one of your outbound exchange students in Denmark. And for the past three and a half months I have been having troubles being an outgoing exchange student and a good Rotary ambassador. It was bad enough that twice I had to talk to my host parents about my shyness issues and my trouble with making friends. After the first time I made a hard effort to make friends and be involved, but it didn't work out, and after the second time I had a serious talk with my host parents about if exchange was the right thing for me to be doing. For the next two days I thought long and hard about that, and came to the conclusion that exchange was not the right thing for me. I am not able to make friends easily, and I am just not the outgoing person that would be able to take full advantage of this great opportunity. I also do not think that trying to push myself month after month would make things any better. I am very sorry that it took me three and a half months of being on exchange to figure that out, but I think there is still time to correct my mistake. So I am terribly sorry for all the trouble that you have gone through only to have me come back. But I do not consider this a failure, I have learned many things about Danish culture, been enrolled in a Danish school and spent time with other Danish teenagers, I have tried many new Danish foods, and I have even learned a bit of the language. I have just realized that it is not the best thing for me to be doing, and that I should come back home. I am sorry that it did not work out like we hoped it would, and thank you very much for everything that you have done.
Sincerely, Bethany Crandall
But when I talked to my parents they still thought I should try for a few more months. I told John this and that he should talk to them so he said that he would talk to my parents about it. The next day after that he said that he had talked to my parents and thought that they agreed with the decision.
Except the next day after that I received many ‘helpful’ Emails from home encouraging me to stick it out (No, I really am grateful for the Emails guys, I’m glad that you care enough to send them). So this was the worst part. After those Emails I felt really terrible, I still thought I should go home, but I felt like I was a terrible person for doing it. So I went out on the beach and walked in the cold for 3 hours. Just thinking about it. When I was far away from any people I kneeled down and said a prayer. And you know in the bible when it says “and they prayed feverently”? Well that’s what I did. And I received the feeling that everything was going to be alright. The remaining hour and a half left of that walk was the most relaxing time I’ve ever had in my life.
So after that I just kind of let things happen. It was a lot more relaxing than worrying about it all the time. And things were already at a point where I couldn’t stop this anyway. So John said that he had requested that I would be able to go home within the week. That was 2 weeks ago.
I’m not really sure what took them so long, but it sure gave me a lot of time to worry. I didn’t want to tell anyone I was leaving until it was official and I had a plane ticket, but man. I was expecting to be whisked away any moment for 2 weeks. Well at least it gave me time to get ready.
By the time I finally found out that I would be leaving on Friday last night, I was more than ready to go. But man 1 day to prepare…
So for all the people here in Denmark, it’s nothing personal, it just didn’t work out don’t feel bad. And the people I didn’t tell I was leaving, I’m really sorry. I meant to its just…
Me: thinking I’m going to tell them, I’m going to tell them!
Friend: So Bethany are you excited to have a Danish Christmas? :D
Me: thinking Oh! I can’t tell them, they’ll be so sad!
So that’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m a wimp. I’m so sorry!!!
So thanks so much to everyone who has helped and supported me and given me advice and everything that you have done! I really do think that coming home is the best thing, and even though I didn’t complete my 1 year goal I still learned loads, and had a really great time! I just think that going home is the best, and I hope that after reading this you can agree with me!
